My heart is thankful

Slowly but surely I am becoming day by day who I am called to be.
I started my drive this weekend stressed to the max and filled with anxiety.
I’ve grown up admiring my granny,
A women of joy – but not an ounce of pretentious in her soul.
My grandpa bobby died suddenly in a plane crash , he was testing a plane for the air force.
She had 3 kids to tend to and could’ve played the victim card rather well, but I’ve never heard her gripe about the cards she was dealt.
I love sitting in her presence.
Shit is a regular word in her vocabulary and so is the holy bible.
Family is a must for her.
She leads by example.
Not by words.
My granny recently took a fall and broke a couple of bones on her shoulder blade and collar bone, the entire family has gathered around her in various ways.
I got the opportunity to be down there this weekend.
And yes , it was so hard to see her in pain But, it was so peaceful to be around my family.
We are all sooo different but at the end of the day their my family,
And that is worth more than gold.
I got to hold my newest cousin Jackson Taft ( a week old).
And see my Sis graduate top in her class at uams, my dad and I had one of those God conversations where I just felt moved by the holy spirit …
My cup runneth over!!!
I know I will speak for me…
Life happens and I can lose site
( whether I want to admit it or not)
Of what is truly important.
And after a weekend like this weekend with great pain yet great joy I’m reminded of what is eternal.

This has been a good good day.
Nothing too fancy about it… just a day filled with people that I love and a lot of elbow grease. And now pizza with my husband … soon to be bedtime.

fresh.

Funny how a simple picture can get my heart to ticking.

I invite you…

to re visit your heart… take a minute.

Sort through what you love.

Is it the buffalo?

Is it your bicycle? Is it the rain?

Is it accomplishing a goal?

Is it silence with that delicious cup of coffee?

Is it your journal in your finger tips?

 Is it a soak in the tub (my grandma swears cures everything)?

Is it baking?

Is it a cd you haven’t heard in a really really long?

Is it a drive?

GO THERE!!!

Life is waaaay too short to not!

 

 

Sing like never before… Oh my soul.

On this Saturday I set out my door on a grand adventure.

I did the Jasper disaster.

A 60 mile ride on a bicycle that challenges the best.

I knew it was going to be rough.

The last time I did this in the fall I was about 10 pounds lighter and had a good 800 miles under my belt (seriously)

This year… I had about 50 miles under my belt total

soo… I evaluated this ride.

Why?

Why do it?

I have nothing to prove… I’ve already checked it off my bucket list.

BUT I knew there was this desire.

A desire to push myself.

I knew it would be a humbling day.

A day of complete strain and pain.

I had a day filled with alone time with the creator of the universe …

And even though my playlist ranged from nirvana to hillsong.

It was a day of understanding.

I felt the Holy Spirit reminding me of so many things.

As I pushed through PAIN going up Mt. Sherman I wanted to cry.

But, my light bulb moment happened when I realized in the pain that I can’t blame this pain on anything or anybody.

I have to own it.

It is mine.

This 10 pounds is mine.

And however it got there it is seriously no one else’s fault.

And I just have to own it.

And what I do with it is in my hands…

I was listening to alot of coldplay and the lyrics to “fix me” where hitting home with my heart and the other song that kept stirring my soul was Matt Redman’s “10,000 reasons Bless the Lord” and Natalie Grant’s “Your great Name”

I got to ride this ride with my dad ( who happens to be one of my heroes)

As I watched him climb ponca hill I was teary eyed.

I am so blessed.

I saw a man before me with such integrity.

pure integrity.

He is a lawyer by trade… and he could have banked.

He gave up so much to follow his heart.

And is blessed in so many ways because of it.

He is a man of passion … I could write pages upon pages about this man’s heart.

There was something praise worthy in that moment.

watching that sweet brave humble man climb that hill and give it everything he has…

I can’t explain it.

I am just glad I got to ride this with my dad.

Sift through my thoughts and let God continue to heal and work through my heart.

And challenge my thoughts.

And once again, I’m left with the thougt of life…

It is like a really long race…

Lots of pain and hard hard work and strain and glorious triumph and aches and pains that grow and stretch us…

But at the end … people may call you crazy for doing it or going the path you took.

BUT deep in your soul you know it is the right way.

And it is marked out just for you.

So keep your pace.

Keep going … don’t let anybody cut you off.

Continue the race.

Lights will guide you home.

Here I am 1 am finishing a project I should’ve done a week ago…
I’ve been seeking truth this week
I don’t know about y’all, but I am wore out.
Wore.
I am listening to Coldplay and on the midst of this feather hot glue madness it hits my heart deeply that there is once again beauty in the mess.
To those who are wore out… Hang on,
I am confident he has stillness and peace within reach… I’m yearning for that sacred day.
Until then press on… Don’t let anything or anybody steal your joy.
Corrie ten boon once said that she didn’t feel God, but then realized that at those times it’s when he’s closest – we are under the shadow of the Almighty’s wings,
What a picture? He loves me.
That is peace.

Just keep swimming

I recently plummitted into the world of Facebook …
I swore I would not ever do this again
There are aspects of it that are awesome family I get to talk to and nephews on their first Easter … Priceless.
But, there’s this side to it that haunts me every single time I type something on there or post a picture – that it is getting evaluated or judged.
Crazy I know…
I strive to not please or say things for show and if we’re honest it’s pretty hard to be true to self ( at least for me)
I ll keep it up and going… I think it’s a victory for me , a learning experience as weird and strange as that may sound
If anybody out there has struggled with fear of failure Facebook is that for me… It’s not safe and comfy and that is just part of life,
God is revealing this big fat lie I’ve bought…
And in the midst of showing me this he’s revealing that I can stand firmly on Him as my ” safe and comfy.”.
Or in his words my rock and firm foundation… Not to be a coward or shy away from confrontation or be embarrassed by my mistakes…
Phew… Loong post to say I about had a freaking anxiety attack when I entered the social network world.
Blessings on yalls weeks and my encouragement is to DWELL in the living God and where there is question seek him.
Where there is comfort praise him
Where there are friends in whom all trust can be given again thank the good lord and walk confidently into this week.

And I know His word never fails .

On the way home from spinning my wheels and de clutterring the junk in my brain… Peaceful bike ride

Breathe of fresh air

Got to go get outside thought I’d share

Simply Praise Him.

PAUSE.

At my christmas party for work we played a game where you had to answer a question with the first 3 words that came to your mind
and the girls tried to guess who answered it… fun game all in all.
Well, one of my questions was “what are three things you would do right now if you could…”
my answer :

Ocean
swim
and
Runaway…

YOU could have dropped a pin.
They might not have noticed that it got silent when they read the last word.
But one of the girls said “RUNAWAY??” really?
That moment when you realize you shouldn’t have shared what you shared?
It was not meant to be weird.
I don’t hate my life.
I don’t hate my family or husband.
Or want to runaway from them … I just wanted a PAUSE button.
A moment.

I haven’t really re visited that moment-
Until yesterday.
I had forgotten all about it until this morning.

And I don’t think there’s anything weird with “runaway”.
Depending on what I’m runaway from?
What I’m leaving behind…
The things that pull and tug at me maybe a result of what I’ve chosen to be there and realize
“No thanks”
We are all in a constant process of shedding the OLD… and embracing the NEW.
There is freedom in letting go…
There is freedom in embracing truth, even when nobody around me understands.
And, there is courage in the embarking on a path not yet taken.
Or even more there is courage in standing still.
Just being.
Drawing strength from the silence of listening.

There is comfort in knowing that The God of Gods sent his son who often withdrew To LONELY PLACES…
Even our sweet Jesus knew this life and withdrew to be alone with his Father.
He rested ( He, being The GOD of this Universe) after creating this beautiful earth.
In psalm 23 He speaks of leading us and RESTORING our souls…
I find comfort in all of that.

I think sometimes in this western culture we seem to forget that this is truth.
“BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD”
It seems to be the norm that the more programs or things we are involved in makes us a better christian.
Don’t get me wrong God is in the programs and they are used …
BUT God is in the stillness. God is in the small details of my little bitty life.
He is in the coffee I sip and it makes me Praise my Jesus. He is in the HUG my sweet husband gave me this morning… GOd knew I needed to be held and he gave me that. He is in my sweet mom’s encouraging words or a friend that has spurred me on and not even knowing it.
He is in my friend that is seeking him… who drops the F bomb every other word, but he is woven into her seeking heart. He is in my weakness, He is in gas station fried food that brings me and my husband closer on a road trip.
He is in the quiet.
He ADORES us.
And I’m pretty convinced my heart is SO important to my God.
He has proven it so.